Passion

When people talk about passion, it is an yearning for something that one puts their whole heart into. They just can’t get enough of that something or someone. Well, this I thought I had about writing spending the past 20 years reading and learning, but another class and another editor says I have a long way to go. What the hell have I been doing these 20 years just wishing I was a writer and sitting on my hands? No! I just read and write. Why am I not better at what I thought I loved or was passionate about? Why, do I keep getting told I have a long way to go? People reading this those very few might see that this what I’m writing now had errors in it. Such as grammar, punctuation, spelling and others. Why can’t I get the help my cousin Wilson Rawls did?

You may have read some of my other posts, and if you have you may read a lot of me bitching and moaning about things. You might be sick of it well I’m sorry. I’m here to shed light on my life no matter how boring it might be. I have wanted to be an actor, a script writer. I wanted to be a great artist. Why did God allow me to live when my appendix ruptured? I wanted to do something more than guy bagging groceries, but lately I think that is where my life is heading. I wanted to do YouTube videos, but they disabled my account because someone clicked repeatedly on a video and of course, when I disputed this, I didn’t write it well enough for them to reactivate it.

When I was in high school, I wanted to play football that didn’t work. I played baseball as a kid who went nowhere. I wanted to sing and be in a rock group, that didn’t work. I think I’m smart, but am I? I can’t dance. I can’t is so my word these last few days. I wanted to do voice-over work but living in Idaho, there is no school or help of any kind and no money you can’t move to a place that can help.

So, my passion for what I want to be and do is gone, and I don’t know where my life will go. I know my faith is so small an ant is too big.

So what do I do? Where do I go from here? I’ve done the college thing ran out of loans and no degree to show for it. Those friends with their own businesses won’t hire me because I live to far, but the main thing is I have no education. I’m not fit I’m not hot I’m not female, so there are many things against me. So, please tell me what to do? My passion is gone. People say others have it worse, but why do I feel I’m living in the worst? (This I wrote off my meds. Still trying to get them.)

Passion

LoL

Bio

The writer of these words did not originally want to put words to paper, but to draw the glorious things he saw. However, he could not draw from images in his mind. He could only draw those things he saw that had been drawn by others. He then almost died one day and that urge to draw became the urge to write. Again, however, the fuel was not always there, and before he knew it it was his senior year of high school, and he was tasked to write a 50page novella for a final project. This became the fuel and started his path of being a full-time writer. He may have struggled and may have made no difference in the world of man nor money in his hand, but he still moves forward. He currently is writing a comic book that has an artist who draws the things that are envisioned. Life could be better, but it could be always worse. So he keeps his head low to write but high to live life. This is the story about this man, to know more, read the words he has put before the world via the web.

Bio

Suicide

I thought of this today “suicide” not in the way to commit it as I was to do something harmful to myself in response to life’s ever evolving and ever disappointing battle. I thought of this as why do I want to destroy something that I have struggled with for many years. Do I want to give up, do I give a damn? I, however, found myself in a pit a deep one. One with many thoughts and droughts about myself. I didn’t know where to turn so I opened my email read the scripture of the day and then opened my mind to the possibilities that are never ending. I wanted to commit “suicide” in the way that I wanted to give up on writing and dreaming, but then I said if I don’t dream I don’t hope if I don’t hope, subsequently I don’t believe things will change or get better. So now I dream to hope, hope to dream life will run like a river stream with bumps, ups and downs, but then I know I made it around to the other side of the river, and there I will find a calm open mind to let things flow out like a gentle breeze.

Suicide

Marriage

Well, my wife and I have been together for over 7 years now and married 5. We seem to have tiffs her and there and really no explosions really. So when I was getting situated on my medication, I blew up. Then last night again I blew up. However, I more felt that she was being selfish because I told her that we went to my hometown to see my mom and possibly some friends. Well, my wife was sick of hearing about my dead stepfather and didn’t want to be in the house anymore so she walked to our friends. Well, I was about to walk out the door to go home because I had school work, and the dogs hadn’t gone to the “Potty” for 12 hours. Again, I just wanted to go see mom talk hang help then home. Well, my wife was at our friends, so I went over to pick her up. However, she was pissed at me because she wanted to hang with them. I yelled and told her that we don’t need to hang out or see them every time we went to my home town. Well, She stormed out of car, and I drove off. I found myself wondering what I did wrong, but I felt I did nothing but yell. So I went back to pick her up. 3 hours later we finally set out to go home. I was tired as hell and worried about the dogs. She just wanted to get away from things happening around her that she felt was pushing her in a whole well I knew of some stress, but I was surprised to hear her say she didn’t want to hear about death, and she has had enough death in her family. I thought isn’t death a part of life, and we just need to remember but move on? Well needless to say we did talk for a while and got it out of our way. I did know marriage was daily work. I didn’t know it would be a part of my life’s work, but then again, there I go thinking again.

Marriage